|
Favorits •
Web Domain Directory •
ODP •
Annuaire FR •
Directorio ES •
Directory EN •
Diretório PT •
IT Katalog •
Czech Katalog •
Polski Katalog •
Maps •
Satellite Photos •
View Card
|
||
|
|
Relationships |
|
|
| ||
 |
Better Than Help
One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family and friends frequently request is 'help'; help to change the situation. While I understand, and can relate only too well, to their sentiment, the term 'help' makes me feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I can clarify what I mean with an example. A woman I know believes she has found her big idea and her mission. She is constantly looking for people to 'help' her to realise her dream. (She doesn't feel that she can take charge of realising her dream herself.) So people constantly find her who promise help, but first expect her to help them - generally by paying significant sums of money towards some ill defined scheme of theirs; in very short order. The problem with 'help' is when it is a cover for dependence. By 'help' we mean someone who will take at least partial responsibility for what we want to do. We look for this 'help', or powerful intervention, when we doubt our own adequacy. Freeing yourself from an abusive relationship is no small matter. But looking for 'help' to do it, can lead to further disappointment. Unless you are clear about precisely what you mean and the limits of what you can expect, you may feel that what is out there is rather less than you were wishing for. First off, any woman will need practical advice, about how to manage leaving the relationship. It is well worth becoming familiar with the information available through domestic violence organisations, like www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/domesticviolence.html. Then, they will need practical support of the kind provided by a Refuge or Domestic Violence Support Group. They will also need understanding of the trauma they have been through and the effect that it has had on them. They will need to understand that the very low opinion they have of themselves is all part of the trauma and can be reversed. An understanding of the mechanics of abuse is available through Domestic Violence Support groups and books such as Sandra Horley's 'The Charm Factor' and Robin Norwood's 'Women Who Love Too Much'. They will need to internalise how this applies to them. This tends to be a longer process, requiring in depth work with someone with an understanding of this particular field, someone who specialises in working with survivors of abusive relationships. Finally, they need to learn how to recreate their faith in, and love for, themselves. They have to build a strong foundation of self-worth and self-trust. This may sound like the hardest part of all, but it doesn't have to be. Once they have access to the appropriate tools, making the shift from hopelessness to self-realisation and positiveness becomes almost effortless. Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women who have survived abusive relationships heal relationship pain so they can reach their full emotional and personal stature. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com Websites: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com, http://www.anniekaszina.com To order Annie's eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be', or subscribe to Annie's free, twice monthly ezine, go to: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES: |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking & Loving Y.O.U. "Know Thyself" PlatoIsn't it curious how just about everything in this material world comes with an operating manual; one specifically addressing the care and maintenance of its make, model and style? I don't care if it's a computer, a car, a refrigerator or a package of flower seeds, we always seem to get a description in ten or more languages of how to operate or nurture the item of concern. Well, human beings also require some operating instructions if we are to understand one another. Affairs: What an Affair Really Is and What an Affair Really Does We hear about it all the time - in magazines, on TV and among our friends:Someone else has had an affair and a marriage is falling apart.Our culture teaches that an affair is just something that happens in relationships, it's really not big deal. 8 Keys to Lasting Love My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD, 8 Keys to Lasting Love. When Merritt was five years old I read a fairy tale to her and was very disturbed by the ending, "And they lived happily ever after. Lingerie Buying Advice For Guys Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the most romantic things you can do. It's an intimate gift which, if you get it right, shows you really care, really do understand her and have put the effort in to really think about a gift she will like. How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 2 Troll Detection Made EasyDue to their overwhelming lack of social skills, the gay man's 'trolls' aren't that hard to detect if you know what to look for.The majority of them are usually oblivious to anyone or anything but themselves, and thus behave in a way that makes you shudder with embarrassment. My Fairy Tale Is Gone Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called her a few days ago and she said that it was over and that she did not want to discuss it with me anymore, that I had gotten on her nerves to the point where she didn't see any point in communicating with me, ever. Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of relationships, but in intimate ones, it is all the more important. As with the closer the relationship will become it is easier for those lines to blur. Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm currently living one. Put-Downs: The Whole Story What put-downs really areLet me begin by saying what they are not. Put-downs are not "harmless jokes. Improve Relationships With Style Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes, are they inevitable? Is there anything to do to minimize the mess? Can cleaning a messy relationship be possible? How do you manage a relationship with some many different kind of people?GET TO THE POINTMaybe a forceful, loud and lively person gets your attention with their to the point style in a meeting or encounter. If you ask him or her about any of their goals or what they are up to, what sticks out most is their remarks wrapped in "what it will do for me. When Attracting Sexy Women, Remember... Time And Circumstance Change Everything Many guys are just too intimidated and full of anxiety around sexy women to be successful at attracting women. I've even seen guys who turn women's heads walking into a room who have this issue. Intent Over the past few months, things in my life have been better than ever. New home, new friends, and wonderful career. Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship So often when we begin to enter into a new relationship, it is very easy to get swept up by the romance, and leave behind our friends. With the wonderful bliss that you feel when you enter into a relationship it's easy to understand why we forget our friends and our everyday relationships. Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man? Most women say they want a strong religious man who believes in God, attends church and goes to bible study every week. Is this true? The answer is No if the man is a religious freak who consumes every waking hour brooding over the bible; engages only with non-secular friends; excessively attends religious events; and constantly scrutinizes non-Christian behavior, especially their partner. Communication in Dating Does your dating relationship have good communication? Communication during dating is what will eventually make or break the dating relationship. If you can not talk or communicate with your loved one, how will they ever know what you expect from your dating relationship?Communication in dating is essential. Washroom Break Picture yourself at a bar with some of your buddies. Everybody is having a good time. 7 Things You Must Know About Women Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us difficult to figure out. Importance Of Background In A Relationship Should coming from the same background be a major issue in a relationship? In the 90s, one of the major things we sometimes overlook in a relationship is our partner's background. To us, 'what's love got to do with background'? But the truth is that coming from the same background can enhance a relationship. How to Get a Woman to Treat You the Way You Deserve You know the scenario. You start dating a woman. Why Some Women Are Desperate I asked Dave how he was doing since it was the anniversary of his wife's death. He replied, "It's rough, but what is even worse, is women won't leave me alone! I don't want to hurt their feelings, but they phone me too so I can't even have peace in my own home.
|