|
Favorits •
Web Domain Directory •
ODP •
Annuaire FR •
Directorio ES •
Directory EN •
Diretório PT •
IT Katalog •
Czech Katalog •
Polski Katalog •
Maps •
Satellite Photos •
View Card
|
||
|
|
Relationships |
|
|
| ||
 |
Loving Without Losing Yourself!
You are in love and it feels wonderful. This love is different and you are prepared to do anything to make it last. To prevent this ship from sinking you work hard to steer this relationship into a safe harbor. In the process you lose yourself and your romantic relationship becomes all-consuming! When Kyra fell head-over-heels for Dan she went out of her way to create a wonderful relationship. She found herself at hockey games, watching horror movies, at parties with his friends and on vacations with his family. At home, things were not much different. Kyra cooked his favorite meals, kept house the way he wanted and listened to music of his choice. On Dan's advice, Kyra cut her hair short, wore less make-up and a conservative wardrobe. She had even given up her night classes, because they cut into their dinnertime. For Dan, this relationship was perfect. In an effort to not disappoint him, Kyra lived in constant anxiety. She had adapted to his lifestyle, defended his views and even began to talk like him. Kyra's friends witnessed her change from a spirited and happy woman to a subdued and pleasing personality. This relationship had sucked the life out of Kyra, yet she was the last to notice. While compromise in a relationship is a necessary ingredient for it's success, denying the core of who you are is not. When you finally realize that an all-consuming relationship is depleting you, there will be nothing left but resentment. It will be difficult to reclaim yourself while remaining in that same relationship. The outcome of such a relationship is usually a heart-breaking crisis, with no one but you to blame. The opposite of an all-consuming relationship is a half-hearted relationship. In this relationship you withhold affection until the evidence is in that the other is hooked. I love you, if you love me first has become a common trend. Fearing that you will give more love than you receive, you put your partner on probation and control the power in this relationship. You judge according to your expectations and keep track of his or her scores. The higher the scores, the more you are willing to reward with love. This conditional view creates tremendous emotional insecurity. All-consuming or halfhearted relationships are very unnatural and unhealthy. Ironically, both types are guided by fear. In an all-consuming relationship, fear of not being loved is the driving force. In a halfhearted relationship, fear of being hurt prevents you from knocking down protective walls. Is there a happy medium? To you love wholeheartedly without losing yourself requires a very different perspective of relationships. Even though you know that relationships require work, deep down you cling to a sweet illusion that meeting the right person is all it takes. You will then take off on your magic carpet ride. Think again! Soon that magic rug will be pulled from underneath you. If you long for a partner who is wholeheartedly behind you, ask yourself, are you the same partner? Do you give that which you seek in your relationship? Ironically, many lack the qualities they seek in their partners. Listen to your heart and when it feels right, feel the fear and love anyway. Love without hesitation and with all you heart. Don't let your fear of rejection and getting hurt kill your desires or steal your dreams. You may have stared in the face of love before. Maybe you "chickened-out." Next time, don't be a chicken! If you are in a relationship of love, here is a universal truth: Love is choice and if you choose it wholeheartedly, you are never going to lose it. Love teaches you to become a better human being. Restore your faith in love and become emotionally available to each other. Put your fears and your past behind you and become lovable by being loving. Learn to trust by trusting yourself. Surrendering to love does not mean losing yourself. Yet, even when it is safe to open your heart, you may feel weakened by the anxiety that this love will disappear. When in love, how do you preserve your identity and course in life? Here is the number one reason for losing yourself in a relationship: Your belief that love is something you either deserve or not! Your misguided belief leads you to counterproductive efforts to do almost anything to get love and even more to hold onto it: · You modify your identity to gain approval and love from your partner. · You hold back intimacy to protect your vulnerability. · You have a need to manipulate your partner. There is nothing you have to be, or do, to earn love. When it is love, there is very little you can do to destroy it. If you can believe that, you will accept that: · You can be loved even if you are not perfect · You can be loved while keeping your course in life · You can be loved without getting lost in love Love is the most powerful human lesson you are ever to learn. It is a purposeful interdependence through which you become so much more than on your own. Once you can understand that love is not something to be found, rather it is in you to be shared, you can love wholeheartedly without fear. Don't turn your back on love every time it touches you, because when you give up on love you give up on yourself. Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website http://www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love test.
MORE RESOURCES: |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
What Do the Words "I Don't Love You Anymore" Really Mean? Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, "I don't love you anymore"? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong.Like most spouses in your situation, you may be confused and struggling to understand what those five ominous words "I don't love you anymore" really mean. Great Relationships - 3 Things to Avoid, 3 Things to Do "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity. Yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. How A Phony Persona Always Hurts You 'Be yourself', isn't that what you've always heard? It certainly isn't ill advice considering what you are losing in the long run when you adopt one of these fraudulent lives.You may ask, what's adding a little sizzle hurt any?It's not the extra energy that you bring to the table as long as it's your true personality. Energize Your Relationship By Celebrating Hoodie-Hoo Day February 20th What is Hoodie-Hoo Day and what does it have to do with your relationship? The answers may surprise you.Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day is a holiday (copyrighted by Wellcat. Little Help Finding Love Online Visit the dating sites.If finding love online is what you're after then the most important thing you can do is to get out there and network with fellow singles. Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down "Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads. Is The Internet A Miracle Cure For Loneliness? A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people who spent a lot of time on the Internet were a lot lonelier than people who didn't spend much time on the Net.This was an unexpected find because many people view the Internet and e-mail as a great way to make and keep connections with other people. What's Special About Abused Women? Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back 'no' - although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I'll come back to. Sound Seduction Advice for Dating and Romance Success BackgroundSeduction is a subtle tool used with the ultimate goal in mind of attracting and having sex with a chosen partner. Seduction is a form of flirting, but is more ambitious in its means, fulfilling our desire for sex and companionship. The Breakdown of Relationships and Why They Fail All females need sexual tension from a prospective or existing partner to consider having or continuing to have, a physical relationship with them. Lose this from the start and you will become mayor of the friend zone. Relationship Advice: Safety, Intimacy, and Fun When people come in for marriage counseling, they bring their own expectations. Some people expect the therapist to say one spouse is wrong and the other right. How We Define Our Relationships? We can fall into the habit of complaining about our relationships, but do we really take the time to evaluate them? Maybe not, because well, we're always right! He or she never listens to ME or does things the way I think is right (the human EGO speaking loudly here!).First of all, we need to understand one thing - which we do not live in our parents' or grandparents' time. A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high quality women in the 30 plus age group over suitable available men is becoming a major problem in both New Zealand and Australia. Keep the Fires Burning The toys are put away, homework's done and the kids are in bed. The lunches are made and the dishwasher is on. The Flames of Love Suppose you have everything; a good job, good health, good reputation, good relationships and lot of money to spend. But still there is something missing from your life. Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system in the United States. That means there are a lot of loved ones left behind to wait. 10 Things You Probably Didnt Know About Signs of Infidelity Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise to most people. Even people who pride themselves on being knowledgeable about extramarital affairs may be unfamiliar with the little-known facts below. Relationships Technology The notion that there can be a technology of relationships basically contradicts what we all know aboout relationships. There are entire bookshelves about relationships. A Diamond Anniversary Ring - The Perfect Way To Seal Your Love Some time ago you both made a promise. A promise to each other. Reading Each Others Mind I cannot tell you how many times I have heard couples express the fact that they felt their partner should be able to read their mind. Have you ever felt this way? Such thinking can lead to disappointment, sadness, and yes, at times, even anger.
|